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"NEW YEAR, NEW YOU"

You've been hearing it. I've been hearing it. WE'VE ALL BEEN HEARING IT.

What's the it?

"I need to stop eating all these Christmas treats!"
"I always gain so much weight this time of year!"
"I need a juice cleanse!"
"I'm going to be so fat after this meal!"
"I'm going to do [fill in the blank diet] this year!"
"I need go exercise extra long to work all this off!"

And the ever popular, "New year, new me!"

Somehow diet culture has become ingrained into the 'most wonderful time of the year'. Instead of the holiday season being focused on good food, good people, and the creation of good memories, there is an underlying message that we need to be concerned about our bodies and how much weight we've gained through the season, and how we must get rid of it all (and then some) next year. And so we say things like "I just shouldn't eat that cookie!" or "This extra weight…
Recent posts

vacations

"Do I need to turn this car around?"
My dad asked just two hours into my family's annual Memorial Day weekend St. George vacation.
Just two weeks earlier, I was in the hospital. My body in a starved state due to anorexia.
"No" I mumbled through tears, though my mind was screaming YES. PLEASE TAKE ME HOME. I was supposed to eat one of my afternoon snacks, and my parents had just asked me to eat more than the serving size... which sent me into a complete panic attack.

The car was quiet, everyone wondering how I was going to get through the rest of the weekend.


Vacations are supposed to be enjoyed (duh). But for someone battling with food and body image issues, vacations can be an extremely stressful, anxiety ridden, and uncomfortable experience. You're taken out of your normal context, without access to your 'safe' foods, not knowing when/if you'll get to workout, and/or concerned about how you'll look in that swimsuit. Instead of looking forw…

stalking some 'pretty and thin' persons pictures from 2012

Do you ever find yourself scrolling through Instagram/Facebook and somehow end up stalking some 'pretty and thin' persons pictures from 2012 thinking, "man... if I looked like that life would be so much better"? and then proceed to daydream about some skinny, beautiful fairyland where you would be such a better wife, brother, daughter, mother, father, student, teacher [fill in the blank].

Yeah, same here.

Let's sit here and think about how absolutely flawed this pattern of thinking is.

First, I'm going to say what has been said one hundred million times before... YOU'RE LOOKING AT A HIGHLIGHT REEL. Behind every single human who has lived and ever will live is some ๐Ÿ’ฉ. Seriously, behind every "perfect" photo is someone who has gone through something absolutely horrible. They've gone to bed crying so hard that no more tears will come. They've broken someone's heart. They've had their heart broken. They've done things they'v…

the day dedicated to food

We're coming up on Thanksgiving, and this will be the first year in the past five years that I'm not already absolutely dreading it. But for those of you out there that are feeling nervous for what's to come on Thanksgiving day, I understand, and I hope I can offer some advice.

For me, Thanksgiving has been one of the most  t r i g g e r i n g  days of the year. When I was battling through disordered eating, I was horrified by the thought of eating until you're absolutely stuffed. I dreaded the thought of everyone in the family eyeing down what was on my plate. I felt overwhelmed hearing comments about how many calories must've been in that dish, and hearing talk about how 'so and so has gained weight', or that 'so and so looks so good after that new diet'. My entire meal would be spent frantically trying to plan out which items were the safest to eat, which items should be avoided, and how I could stop myself from eating before I became full. The r…

fat phobia

You know that quote by J.K. Rowling: "Is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, evil, or cruel?..." Well, fat phobia is when a person believes that the answer is yes.

For as long as I can remember, I was taught that being fat was something to be avoided. Fat was unhealthy. Fat was lazy. Fat was gluttonous. Fat was "letting go". There was a fear instilled inside of me from a young age, and I became fat phobic. I wont lie, I was fat phobic until quite recently (like... one year ago recently). I agreed with all of the stereotypes about fat people. I looked at them and would think things like "they really should try to lose that weight", "how could they let themselves get like that?", or "don't they know how UNHEALTHY it is to be that size?" I would fear that people would think the same things about me if I gained weight.

However, it wasn't until I learned some…

calories

When I first got this shirt, Aust mentioned "well, isn't that just making fun of people who do count their calories?" I just want to clear things up at the beginning of this post-- I do not judge people who count their calories!! I do not think that I am better than people who count their calories!! If you count your calories and you feel like it genuinely enhances you life... that's great!! But I just want to share the side of calorie counting that I personally have experienced... and the reason why I am proud to wear this shirt for me.

To be 100% honest, I don't remember exactly when I started counting my calories, or when I got the idea that downloading MyFitnessPal would be the key to my health. Maybe it was from health class when they taught us "the golden formula" of less calories in - more calories out = weight loss = health, maybe it was from stuff that I had read online... or maybe it was a combination of the two. BUT, moral of the story, soph…

control

It's been a while๐Ÿ˜…

I've discovered that when you are taking 19 credit hours, trying to run, keep up with homework, and work... you don't have much time to write for your blog that like 10 people read lol.

BUT that doesn't mean that I haven't had A TON that I have wanted to write about. As of late, the concept of control has been on my mind. Control is something that everyone seems to strive for... control over finances, control over family, control over career, control over health, etc etc, you get it. Yet, if I have learned one thing from my 20 years of living (so many years, so much wisdom, right?๐Ÿ˜‰), it's that we have control over hardly anything in life. Despite this, we still like to think that we are in control, and sometimes we do things in attempt to 'control' a specific aspect of our life. However, many times it turns out that the thing we are doing to gain control is actually taking control over us.

One perfect example of this is something th…